Any decent person of any gender spends a lot of time enraged, or learning to live with enraging news, about men’s treatment of women all over the world.
Women tell their stories of sexual assault when they were young at the hands of auto parts millionaire Frank Stronach, situations many others knew about and even facilitated. French Giséle Pelicot somehow survives with her dignity intact after her husband drugged her and invited dozens of other men to sexually assault her. An international elite of men, many who publicly championed progressive causes turn out to have been sycophantic friends to convicted pedophile Jeffrey Epstein, whether they sexually assaulted the women he trafficked or just knew about it and did nothing.
The common denominator in all these cases is that the men involved thought they could get away with wielding sexual power over women, because they were wealthy and prominent or because they never thought anyone would find out, or a combination of both.
How were—how are—so many men willing to commit sexual violence against other human beings? What has to happen for a man to be okay with having sex with a woman against her will?
It’s appalling to think that a man can look at another person simply as being there for his enjoyment, with no thought to her humanity. And yet it’s important not to label these men as monsters. Because they are, in fact, ordinary men who feel entitled to a woman’s body. They are an extreme, but, sadly, not an aberration. Their behaviour is part of a continuum virtually every woman has experienced, from inappropriately sexualized comments at work to unwanted touching to non-consensual sex.
What provides some light amid the gloom is that women are standing up and calling out what’s happened to them, in greater numbers all the time. Their incredible bravery comes even knowing their credibility will be attacked in court, that their behaviour and dating history will be scrutinized online, that they will be dismissed and insulted in the most misogynistic terms.
And yet, they stay standing. Survivors of Epstein’s control and abuse are doggedly vowing not to stop exposing those involved and pursuing justice. Jane Boon wrote a powerful article for The Globe and Mail titled “I’m suing Frank Stronach—and yes, I’m in it for the money” in which she makes no apology for trying to win a financial settlement to help address the losses she experienced as a result of what he did.
Mme Pelicot refused anonymity in the criminal case against her husband, saying he and her attackers should feel shame, not her. The English title of her book says it all: A Hymn to Life: Shame Has to Change Sides.
The rest of us can do our part, too. We can ensure that the boys in our lives see examples of respectful relationships and have the strength to reject pressure to reduce girls and women to the means of their sexual gratification. We can call out sexist jokes and demeaning behaviour toward women by men of any age. We can listen when women tell their stories of abuse. We can turn anger into hope.
We can help. Please, contact our crisis line, 24/7: 1-800-565-5350
By Nancy Payne
