A woman can be smart, successful, capable and accomplished, but that doesn’t mean her partner will celebrate and support her. A woman can rise to the top levels of her career and her community, but that doesn’t mean she’s safe from violence.
The idea still persists in many minds that intimate partner violence is a scourge of the less-educated and the lower-income — that somehow there are men who don’t know better, so they lash out at their wives, girlfriends, sisters and mothers.
The reality is that there are men who abuse women in all income brackets and at all education levels. Their partners may be business owners, doctors, teachers or pursue any other profession. These women may even be political leaders.
Andrea Horwath, the former leader of the Ontario NDP — the first woman to hold the position — who is now the mayor of Hamilton, spoke up about her experience earlier this month, describing herself publicly as a survivor of an abusive relationship. As so many women do, she had wanted to keep her private life private, but eventually had no choice when a legal issue with her former partner prompted her to respond.
Saying she was “tired of being silent,” Horwath described what she’d been through with her former partner Ben Leonetti as “a painful and deeply personal part of my life.” Without getting into specifics, she said, “The truth is that I left an abusive relationship, and after criminal harassment charges and a no-contact order, I did what many survivors do: I kept my distance.”
Knowing that someone who has achieved as much in public life as Andrea Horwath can still be dealing with harassment and criminal behaviour in private is both dispiriting and empowering. Dispiriting, because despite all her abilities, Horwath was yet another woman working hard for what she believed in while living with uncertainty and threats. Empowering, because when women in the public sphere speak up, it carries extra weight.
Such revelations garner news coverage and further the conversation about the insidious reach of intimate partner violence, an issue that needs to be kept at the forefront of policy debate and decisions. They can give comfort to women living with abuse, and may even encourage some to reach out for help. And they can make it clear that abuse takes place in households of all kinds.
Speaking up means that responsibility for abuse is shifted where it belongs: to the abuser. As Horwath said, “There should be no shame in choosing safety, in setting boundaries or in telling the truth when you are ready.”
If you or someone you care about is experiencing physical, emotional, sexual, financial or psychological abuse, Women’s Resources is here to help. Please contact us through our 24/7 crisis line at 1-800-565-5350 or use the chatline on our website https://womensresources.ca/
By Nancy Payne
