Intimate partner violence (IPV), leaves scars that are not always visible. For years, we at Women’s Resources have been speaking out about the devastating impact abuse has on a woman’s mental health—and the well-being of her children. However, the reality is that this crisis continues.
This is Evelyn’s Story…
It may surprise you that Evelyn’s behaviour was triggered by IPV she had experienced. She was coping the only way she knew how, by hoarding which led to a life-threatening situation.
Evelyn was in a good relationship with her partner and they were living in his home. As time went on, the relationship deteriorated with his constant belittling that eventually escalated to physical abuse. When the physical abuse started, Evelyn, devastated, moved back to her own home. The abuse triggered other behaviours and she spent her days collecting things, her way of finding comfort and control – furniture, newspapers, food, garbage – so much so that eventually her house was packed to the ceiling.
A neighbour, not having seen Evelyn for a few days and aware of her history with an abusive partner, knocked on the door to see if she was okay. Evelyn only cracked open the door slightly, but the neighbour could see that the house was full of papers, boxes and items piled on top of each other. She tried to reason with Evelyn and eventually convinced her to call Women’s Resources (WR).
Evelyn did call Women’s Resources and spoke with a counsellor, explaining pieces of her story. She refused to come in for counselling and the only way Evelyn would continue to speak to anyone was if they came to her home. She was now at a point where, in her mind, she was unable to leave her house for fear of losing her belongings. Evelyn’s mental health was declining rapidly. She was at an impasse – afraid to stay and afraid to go.
The next day, a WR counsellor came and Evelyn let her in. The condition of the house was overwhelming; the smell of rotting food and garbage everywhere. The doors were blocked with boxes and garbage and there was no clear exit in or out of the house. The counsellor eventually persuaded her that Women’s Resources Emergency Shelter had a clean, warm bed to stay in, clean clothes, food and counsellors who could help her, no judgement. Evelyn left home with the counsellor that same day and believes Women’s Resources saved her life. She was welcomed into this safe haven, and while giving up seemed to be the path of least resistance, the counsellors wouldn’t let her. “They showed me warmth and made me feel safe. With the services and resources provided, I was able to see a future.”
Evelyn’s predisposition for hoarding stemmed back to her childhood, having grown up in a home where collecting things was the norm. The trauma of the abuse Evelyn experienced triggered this behaviour that was magnified in such a way that the hoarding ended up out of control. After a period of time, Evelyn was able to work through the trauma with support from WR and the Canadian Mental Health Association, enabling her to move on in life.
“We know that mental health and the effects of intimate partner violence (IPV) are ‘dual-directional’,” says Alisha Fisher, Women’s Resources Community Services Manager. Those who have mental health issues, even if stemming from childhood, have an increased likelihood of encountering IPV and those who have experienced IPV, will undoubtedly have mental health issues.
The emotional trauma from domestic violence can lead to a wide range of behaviours and hoarding is just one of them. Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), depression, anxiety which can manifest as panic attacks, substance abuse, food insecurities, binge-eating, starving, isolation and self-harm – the list goes on.
In cases of hoarding, which is far more prevalent than anyone would imagine, it is not uncommon to find women in our shelter hoarding items that they feel are valuable (when most would consider it trash) or hiding food for fear that it may not be available to them later. It gives them a sense of control, something they may not have had prior to arriving at Women’s Resources.
“Building trust comes first and foremost,” says Bailey Fredericks, one of Women’s Resources Outreach Counsellors “often women are reluctant to admit they’ve experienced abuse. We try to focus on the ‘here and now’, goal-setting and how we can help them move forward with a survivor-centred approach focusing on well-being, safety, needs and wishes.”
“The effects of intimate partner violence is as unique as a fingerprint to each individual,” notes Alisha, “but the funding we receive allows us to focus on rebuilding that individual.” While the impact of abuse on mental health is significant, it is important to remember that healing is possible.
Many of our programs and services are dependent on community support to ensure they continue. Please, consider making a donation today. By providing appropriate resources with tangible and realistic goals, we can help women navigate their journey to recovery and rebuild their lives while drawing on their own resilience and strengths.
With grateful thanks,
Carolyn Fox, Fund Development Director
cfox@womensresources.ca or 705-324-7649 Ext 223
P.S. If you have made a recent donation, THANK YOU!
