Childhood sexual abuse can cause lasting damage to survivors. We’re here to help.
Our most recent blog post, Believe Them we looked at some common behaviour among children who’ve experienced sexual abuse, and how the adults in their lives can listen to, guide and support them. As in the highly public recent case of Andrea Robin Skinner, daughter of famous Canadian author Alice Munro, that abuse is often perpetrated by someone the child knows and maybe even loves. In Skinner’s case, it was her stepfather.
Skinner has received admiration and praise for her courage in coming forward with her story in the Toronto Star in early July. The ugly reality is that the adults in her life failed her, refusing to confront the abuser and even forcing her to maintain a relationship with her abuser. Although she and her siblings have reconnected after a period of estrangement, she has had to forge a life in the wake of a childhood betrayal.
Confronting stereotypes
As a society, says Alisha Fisher, Community Services Manager at Women’s Resources, “we live in a culture that does a lot of victim-blaming and focuses on stranger danger, so we have a lot of unlearning to do.”
And, sad to say, lingering myths about sexual assault also affect survivors of childhood sexual abuse. Media reports still tend to highlight those they can paint as perfect victims, creating a perception that some survivors are more worthy than others.
Beyond the courts
Strangely, as a society we also tend to focus on bringing a perpetrator to justice. Think of high-profile historic abuse cases where survivors are mentioned but the outcome of a given trial receives considerably more public attention.
Although prosecuting perpetrators is important, there’s much more to the story. After all, Skinner’s abuser was convicted, but she is still living with the fallout. “It comes down to our cultural idea of what justice is. Our criminal justice system doesn’t often provide justice in a way that supports survivors and survivorship healing. Just because someone goes to jail doesn’t mean that the impacts of the trauma are gone,” Alisha notes.
Counselling to help survivors
Staff here at Women’s Resources are familiar with the complexities facing survivors as they navigate their lives in the wake of the trauma, often for many years afterward. “We do support a lot of people that have that historical piece. It’s not rare,” says Child and Youth Counsellor Meaghen Parker. “People are still trying to process and unpack it. If it happens to someone as a child, it still affects them when they come to Women’s Resources.”
She notes that there is more support now for those working to overcome experiences of abuse from their early years, but the way we talk to survivors still needs to change. Far too often, someone who’s still living with that pain hears some variation of “That was a long time ago. You need to get over it.”
If they come to Women’s Resource for counselling, though, it will be different. “Our counsellors are never going to tell you to just get over it and move on,” Meaghen says. “The abuse has affected who you are as a person.” Counsellors at Women’s Resources understand that individuals seeking support need empathy and kindness. They are committed to helping each person acknowledge their strength in confronting and processing their experiences.
Women’s Resources works to meet the needs of those survivors in a wide range of ways. Staff offer support for women who have to attend family court, anti-human trafficking programs, housing and transitional supports and counselling. We also provide groups for children and individual counselling for youth of any gender aged 10 to 18. For more information or to make an appointment, please call 705-878-4285.
It takes enormous courage for survivors to come forward later in life to disclose sexual abuse they experienced as a child. At Women’s Resources, we are doing our best to ensure they know that they are valued, that they are strong and that while they can’t change the past, they are already building a brighter future.
By Nancy Payne