It’s important to remember that we’ve come a very long way in recent decades when it comes to the way we think and talk about sexual assault. But while we’ve made progress, the underlying attitudes are hard to root out. And they’re very much on display lately in the unsettling trial of five former members of Canada’s junior hockey team in London, Ontario.
Fortunately, laws have changed over time to provide more protection to sexual assault complainants in court, but like the woman in this case, those rules only go so far. The ugly reality is that any woman (or indeed, a person of any gender) who testifies in a sexual assault trial will be up against long-standing myths that refuse to go away. Here are just a few of them.
Myth: If you drink or take drugs, or dress in tight clothing, you’re opening yourself up to sexual attention.
Reality: A sexual assault is always the fault of the perpetrator. It’s never the victim’s fault. It doesn’t matter whether someone else thinks her top was too low or her skirt too tight or her choice of intoxicants unacceptable.
Myth: Women lie after the fact because they’re embarrassed or regret a sexual interaction.
Reality: The Canadian government cites studies that show no more than four per cent of sexual assault accusations are false. Most people who are assaulted never report their experience to police.
Myth: Sexual assaults could be avoided if the potential victim fought back or just left.
Reality: Research consistently shows that in the moment, victims are focused on preventing serious violence or on doing what they can for the attack to be over. It’s common for survivors to feel like they’re frozen, watching the attack from outside their bodies.
Myth: If it was really a sexual assault, the survivor wouldn’t stay in touch with the attacker afterward.
Reality: It’s also very common for survivors to try to make sense of what has happened and to downplay the related violence and trauma. They feel pressure within themselves and from those around them to continue their lives normally and to move on, regardless of what they’re feeling inside.
Survivors’ behaviour before, during and after a sexual assault can vary widely. It won’t necessarily fit society’s image of “the perfect victim.” But the key point never changes: Sexual assault is real, and it has terrible lasting effects on survivors. They didn’t ask for any of it. One of the best things we can do to support those who’ve experienced such an assault is to reject the myths and listen.
At Women’s Resources, we’re here 24 hours a day, seven days a week, all year round. If you need to talk to someone about a sexual assault or for other abuse you are experiencing, call our crisis line at 705-878-3662 or 1-800-565-5350. You are not alone.
By Nancy Payne
