We need to offer boys better examples of masculinity.
The findings were shocking: Respected polling firm Angus Reid had found that four in five teachers had witnessed misogynistic behaviour by boys in their classes, from disrespectful interactions with girls and women to outright aggression. Furthermore, 95 per cent of educators said they believe boys and young men are exposed to sexist and misogynistic ideologies online.
We don’t need to repeat the names here, but you’ve no doubt heard of the worst of the social media influencers and podcasters of the so-called “manosphere.” In a wide range of online platforms including forums, and even video games, these men aggressively ridicule and demonize women, blaming them for their own difficulties.
It’s easy to dismiss this blatant hatred against women (and, all too often, gender-diverse people) as a niche, but far too many young men and even boys are becoming desensitized to the basic humanity and equality of women and girls. Often it’s as simple as an initial click out of curiosity, after which an algorithm feeds users a stream of ever-more-appalling content.
According to the United Nations’ agency UN Women, in the manosphere, women’s bodies belong to men and women’s rights come at the expense of men. The misogynistic content is often coupled with material exhorting physical appearance and material wealth, all aimed at building up men and boys by encouraging them to put others down. Especially to isolated boys and teens, it can be a beguiling way of explaining the world and trying to gain power over it.
The result? Everyone suffers. The women, girls and gender-diverse folks who bear the brunt of this cruelty and disrespect. Society, which starts to fray when people no longer see each other as equals deserving compassion.
And the boys and men themselves who think they’ve found a community and friends, but end up embittered and angry. In the worst extreme, they become so consumed by the hate they’ve been fed by incel culture and the manosphere that they take it out on others, as we’ve seen in attacks whose perpetrators we won’t name, but which have resulted in a terrible number of murders right here in Canada.
It’s up to all of us to pay more attention to the boys and young men in our lives—to ask them what kind of content they enjoy online and whether they’ve ever encountered manosphere influencers. If so, what do they think of them and why? What are their friends saying and doing? How do they perceive the girls and women in their lives? Does that feel good?
There are organizations doing great work to give young men better role models and helping them to think about the impact on others of these harmful attitudes. The White Ribbon organization, which sponsored the Angus Reid study, was born out of the tragedy of the murders of 14 young women at Montreal’s École Polytechnique on Dec. 6, 1989. It works to end all forms of gender-based violence and discrimination by promoting healthy masculinity and gender equity. Toronto’s Next Gen Men describes itself as “a small-but-mighty Canadian nonprofit whose work is dedicated to one ambitious thing—to change how the world sees, acts and thinks about masculinity.”
At Women’s Resources, our counsellors put tremendous effort into breaking patterns of violence and offering real-life ways to live in respect and peace with others. While we know that only men can end violence against women, we are grateful for and supportive of all the people of all genders who are listening to and supporting young men in search of a more positive vision of what it means to be a man.
If you are worried that a woman you know of any age might be experiencing abused by a partner, son or other male relative, or if you know a boy or teen who has witnessed violence and could use some compassionate support, you can call our crisis line any time of day, any day of the year at 705-878-3662 or 1-800-565-5350.
By Nancy Payne
